Stay-at-home mum
This morning you’ve packed away the cards. It was a nice decoration for two months, since bringing home the baby. It looked rather messy, too, but it’s one of those things new mums do, isn’t it? Now, as you look through the words, it makes you feel despondent.
Babies are so very sweet,
No wonder you are thrilled
To see this special dream of yours,
So happily fulfilled.
Who wrote that? If you are honest, right now little Sarah isn’t sweet at all! Once again, she’s kept you awake for most of the night, and nothing will make her happy. Should you leave her to cry or carry her around? In any case, just quietly you feel like doing something to her. What about this “special dream so happily fulfilled”?
The baby was supposed to be lovely, a gift from God, the result of that precious union of the two of you. You looked forward to it, to be able to stay at home, look after baby, keep house for your husband. However, you miss the satisfaction of your old job, the stimulating conversation of colleagues and, last but not least, the pay packet.
Your body has changed, too. It’s like looking at a stranger in the mirror; breastfeeding freckles on your face, dark circles under the eyes, bust twice its size, a few extra kilos, and the floppy sponge that once was the flat tummy you were so proud of. Not to mention all the changes emotionally. You feel your husband finds it hard to accept your lack of interest in him, but you have enough on your plate already. You could never tell him all of this. And your best friend, who had her baby six weeks before you – she’s loving every minute of it. What’s wrong with you?
There are many new mums who suffer like this, in silence. I did. It was hard to go from working at full speed to being at home with a baby. I loved my little girl to bits, but you can only cuddle so much in a day. I loved cooking, preserving, and keeping house – well, most of the time anyway – but it still left this empty feeling. I loved my husband, our life together and the blessings God had given us. But I still felt unhappy!
I read books such as I Want to Enjoy My Children, Christian Homemaking, and even Lord, My Whole Life Hurts, but they only added to the guilt already there. I really just wanted to be content at home!
If you feel like this, you’re not alone. And the hard thing is that there are no instant answers. It took me much prayer and determination to finally be content at home. I found that these can help:
- Sing, no matter how bad it sounds, or put on some music. Your baby will love it, and it can bring peace and joy to your heart.
- Read. The Bible is an excellent start, but child-rearing books and magazines can give you a lift as well.
- Talk about it with your husband (who probably knows already anyway). Confide in a friend – even the one with the new baby. You’ll be surprised at her similar feelings.
- Pray without ceasing. Make each thought a prayer to the One who understands, who listens, who knows. Prayer accomplishes much.
- Don’t rely on your feelings. We have about 40,000 thoughts each day, and as many as 77% of them are negative. So talk to yourself. Tell yourself you’re not going mad, you do love baby, and hubby, and you can be happy and content.
- Be active and get out of the house, especially when you feel the walls are screaming at you. If you like gardening or walking, go for it; if you want to visit a friend, do that.
- Enjoy baby. It sounds like a clich, but they are only little for a very short time. Even if she screams for hours on end, dirties every nappy, has a rash or is colicky, it will pass. Having the benefit of hindsight, it sure is a lot easier to deal with than stroppy teenagers!
- Be patient – it’s been a big change. Having a baby ranks high on the stress list. Give yourself some room. Have a good cry if it helps you. But always remember that your job as a mother is one of the most important in the world.